The Wealth Illusion: Why Your Neighbor's Grass (and Wallet) Isn't Always Greener
You're scrolling through social media, and you see your cousin’s ex-boyfriend’s sister posting about their lavish vacation, their shiny new car, or the stunning remodel of their already magazine-worthy home.
Or maybe you're out for a walk in your neighborhood, and you can't help but notice the manicured lawns, the boat parked in the driveway, the private school bumper stickers on the minivan. Suddenly, your own life and finances seem lackluster in comparison.
In today's hyper-curated, keeping-up-with-the-Joneses world, it's all too easy to fall into the trap of comparing our own financial situations with the seemingly greener grass on the other side of the proverbial (and literal) fence.
But as the old saying goes, all that glitters is not gold. What we perceive as wealth and success from the outside often doesn't match the reality beneath the surface.
Money memories: the roots of our financial perceptions
To understand why we perceive wealth the way we do, it's helpful to start at the beginning — with the early experiences and messages that shape our financial worldviews. Just as we explored in the post on spending styles, our money stories often have deep roots in our family histories and formative years.
Consider someone who grew up in a household where money was a constant source of stress and scarcity. They may have internalized the belief that wealth is always out of reach, or that financial stability is an impossible dream. As a result, they may perceive anyone with outward trappings of success — the big house, the fancy car — as inhabiting a fundamentally different reality, rather than recognizing the complex spectrum of financial experiences.
On the flip side, someone raised in an affluent environment may have a skewed perception of what constitutes "normal" wealth. They may assume that everyone has access to the same opportunities and resources, not recognizing the privilege of their own upbringing. They may underestimate the financial challenges faced by those with different backgrounds.
Our money stories are rarely as simple as "rich" or "poor." We each internalize a complex web of messages and experiences related to wealth, often in ways we're not fully conscious of. Maybe you had a grandparent who was exceedingly frugal despite having ample savings, coloring your view of what it means to be "wealthy." Or maybe you had a parent whose love language was gifts, leading you to associate material possessions with affection.
Keeping up appearances: the impact of social media
Our financial perceptions aren't just shaped by our past experiences — they're also heavily influenced by our current cultural environment, particularly the omnipresence of social media. In the age of Instagram and TikTok, we're bombarded with curated images of wealth and success at an unprecedented scale.
On one level, the proliferation of financial content on social media can be a positive force, democratizing access to information. Accounts that offer relatable budgeting tips, showcase investing concepts, or share stories of financial transformation can help people feel more empowered and less alone.
But the flip side is the constant stream of highlight reels depicting lavish lifestyles and luxury purchases. From that, social media can create a warped sense of what constitutes normal or average wealth.
These curated portrayals often bear little resemblance to the full financial reality. That influencer posting travel photos? They might be drowning in credit card debt to fund their adventures. That friend showing off their new designer wardrobe? They may be compensating for deep insecurity or unhappiness in other areas of life.
Even when the wealth on display is genuine, it represents a highly skewed sample of reality. People are far more likely to post about their financial wins and material acquisitions than their struggles and setbacks. And algorithms designed to keep us engaged tend to amplify the most aspirational and attention-grabbing content, not the mundane realities of everyday life.
It’s all too easy to come away with the sense that everyone else is living a more glamorous, successful, and fulfilling life than we are — and that their financial grass is so much greener. But this perception is often an illusion.
The solution isn’t necessarily to swear off social media altogether (though periodic digital detoxes can certainly be healthy). Rather, it's about bringing a more critical, discerning eye to the wealth narratives we're consuming. When you see a post, ask yourself:
What's being left out of the frame?
How representative is this content of the average person's experience? Am I comparing my behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel?
What emotions does this content evoke in me? How can I use those feelings as a compass to guide my own financial choices?
Am I engaging with a diverse range of voices and perspectives?
All that glitters: the mirage of conspicuous consumption
Another way our perceptions of wealth can be distorted is through the lens of consumption — the practice of buying and flaunting material goods and experiences as a way to signal status and success.
In a culture that often equates material possessions with personal worth, it's no wonder that so many people feel pressure to "keep up with the Joneses" by outwardly displaying their wealth.
The concept of conspicuous consumption was first coined by economist and sociologist Thorstein Veblen in his 1899 book "The Theory of the Leisure Class." Veblen argued that in a society with significant inequalities, the wealthy often engage in ostentatious spending as a way to assert their superiority and distinguish themselves from the lower classes.
More than a century later, conspicuous consumption has trickled down to the masses, fueled by the rise of consumer credit, social media FOMO, and the pervasiveness of status-oriented marketing. The pressure to broadcast our financial success has never been higher.
The problem, of course, is that this kind of visible wealth often has little to do with actual financial health or security. In fact, research has shown that many people who engage in conspicuous consumption are actually compensating for feelings of low self-worth or social status anxiety.
But this strategy often backfires in the long run. Not only can overspending on status symbols lead to financial strain and instability, but it also tends to be an endless treadmill of one-upmanship. There's always a newer, shinier, more exclusive thing to acquire — and the satisfaction of "keeping up" is often fleeting.
Moreover, conspicuous consumption can distort our perceptions of what wealth really looks and feels like. When we're constantly bombarded with images of luxury and excess, it's easy to forget that true financial prosperity is often much more low-key. It's the security of knowing you can weather a job loss or medical emergency. It's the freedom to make career and life choices based on your values rather than a paycheck. It's the peace of mind that comes with living within your means and saving for the future.
Again, this all comes down to getting clear on our own definition of financial success, and aligning our spending habits with those values. Some questions to ask yourself:
What are the true sources of happiness, meaning, and fulfillment in my life? How can I invest more in those things, rather than chasing fleeting status symbols?
What's driving my desire to keep up with other people's visible wealth? What insecurities or anxieties might be fueling that impulse?
How can I redefine "luxury" in a way that's authentic to my values and priorities? What expenditures truly enhance my quality of life?
How can I remind myself that the outward trappings of wealth often don't reflect the full financial picture? What would it look like to practice gratitude?
Redefining rich: towards a more authentic prosperity
Our perceptions of wealth are often clouded by a host of psychological factors — from early money memories to social media to the pressure to keep up appearances. The result is a financial landscape that often feels like a hall of mirrors, where it's hard to tell what's real and what's illusion.
So how do we cut through the noise and cultivate a more grounded, authentic sense of financial success? How do we define "wealth" in a way that reflects our deepest values and aspirations, rather than just the expectations of others?
Here are a few of my key principles:
Clarify your core values and priorities. What matters most to you in life? What experiences, relationships, and achievements bring you the deepest sense of fulfillment and purpose? Write these things down and use them as a north star to guide your financial decisions.
Redefine "rich" in your own terms. Based on your values and priorities, what does true wealth look and feel like for you? Is it a certain number in the bank, or a certain quality of life and peace of mind? Create your own personal definition of financial success, and let that be your benchmark, rather than external status symbols.
Practice gratitude for the unseen blessings. Make a habit of noticing and appreciating the forms of abundance in your life that don't show up on a balance sheet — your health, your relationships, your talents and passions, the beauty of the natural world.
Be mindful of your media consumption. Take stock of how the content you consume — whether on social media, TV, or in your social circles — affects your financial perceptions and emotions.
Focus on progress over perfection. Remember that building authentic wealth is a journey, not a destination. Rather than getting caught up in comparing your current reality to someone else's curated highlights, focus on making consistent, incremental improvements in your own financial life.
Cultivate an abundance mindset. Challenge the scarcity mentality that says there's only so much wealth to go around, and that someone else's success somehow diminishes your own. Embrace the belief that there's enough for everyone, and that by pursuing your own unique path to prosperity, you open up space for others to do the same.
Connect with your deeper why. Anchor your financial goals and choices in a larger sense of purpose and meaning. How can you use your resources not just to acquire more stuff, but to make a positive impact in the world? How can you align your money with your values in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling?
Ultimately, true wealth isn't about keeping up with the Joneses or flaunting a flashy lifestyle. It's about creating a life that's rich in the things that matter most to you — whether that's meaningful work, deep relationships, creative expression, or a sense of contribution and purpose.
